Sunday, November 26, 2006

How to piss off the cat (tutorial attached)

(or why I love Flashlight, my cat)

For those of you with normal cats, pissing them off may become quite a chore. For the rest of us, it's a simple as dressing them up in our clothes.

I've tried to demystify the act of pissing a cat off for those of you who may be wondering. 'exactly what does a pissed-off cat look like?'. Have no fear - now you too may learn my ancient secrets for destroying that annoying sense of trust that our domestic animals begin to feel after days and days of non-events and sleeping

Step 1. Pick up cat
Step 2. Put cat on kitchen counter for ease of pissed-off-edness
Step 3. Pretend to be getting cat treats to appease the cat's need for snack-treats and to lull them into a false sense of security
Step 4. Instead of cat treats, whip out scarf hidden on shelves under counter
Step 5. Have partner in crime (and in life) distract cat with loud noises and funny faces
Step 6. Wrap scarf around cat's neck quickly and dash to safety
Step 7. Have partner snap photos
Step 8. Continue to dash for safety as cat escapes counter top and claws at your ankles
Step 9. Swear and laugh at the same time as cat continues to attack your legs and feet

Life is good

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