Friday, June 22, 2007
I will be taking a little time off from the blogging world, taking care of some gastro-intestinal 'repair' work (and the emotional strain that comes with it). I may share a lot but some things are far too personal and this is one of them. I've waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop for some time so this is just another 'thing' in the pile. I've known it was time weeks ago but I try to keep the really bad news to myself... I feel like Captain BringDown these days and that makes me feel even more guilty than I have been feeling already.
When I was a teenager, a psychic told me that I would live to be 52 but I didn’t believe her. Aren’t they all liars and charlatans? I underestimated her. The stomach pain, the bleeding, the vomiting, the 'other' gastric problems are all reminders of that underestimation, I am learning. If I'm lucky, that gives me just under 9 years but since losing my lucky rabbit's foot on KittyHawk all those years ago, my luck isn't what they call in the betting world a 'good hand'(And since I’m being so candid, wanna see photos of my small intestine? No? Didn’t think so…). If you ate today (and kept it in your body), be happy. I've been like a walking milkshake machine in the past couple of weeks - whrrr and pour...yeah, graphic... I know. Sorry.
The upside (if it can be called that) is that it is giving me a chance to take stock and to re-build what time I have into something that is authentic and mine. No more 'have tos' or typical female guilt, just a more solid (if shorter) life. Enough!
Leben ist kurz so wir muß anfertigen es weit, mein Zeyde erklärte mir. Er war zutreffend. He usually was. I don't have time to waste. I only want positive, loving people who want to be with me in my life. It may be short but it'll be all mine.
I enjoy chatting to this little virtual group and it has kept me going when "the hills were steeps and the weather rough". I love reading your blogs and hearing about your lives, you good hearted people. I hope to come back one day, healthier. The good thing is that I can better understand why my body has been letting me down over past couple of years. It's not stress or 'in my head'. It's been a little like opening your closet door as a kid, seeing the fur and the glowing eyes and declaring 'see, there really was a monster there!', to your parents amazement. To my tiny little circle of friends, the people who sound happy to hear from me - all I can say is 'I love you'. I don't say it a lot but I only say it to people who matter to me so, "I love you".
I am dropping a number of gifts and swappy stuff of in the Post (well, actually K the younger is. I need to sit still) so keep your eyes peeled, Kathy, Taz & Antigone. They're on their way :) I've got K working on the Etsy end so those shipments went out this morning.
I'm so tired, I wish I could sleep forever :)