Sunday, April 29, 2007

I was fine...

until I stopped breathing

I was so excited by my news late Friday evening that I decided to drop in on K the elder at work to tell him. The only problem were the rubber boots on the counter...right beside the crates of pool chemicals. Latex... chlorine...Yeah, about that... Asthma is a bitch. Actually, the term is 'respiratory distress' as what I have isn't asthma per se; it's a by-product of my condition and I usually used a steroid inhaler to keep my lungs working. Because I don't work in a 'dirty' office any more, I've cut back on my steroids and with the cold that I picked up last week, there are plaques on my airways (who knew?!? Well, actually I did but being stubborn and oblivious are just some of my charms). Inflammation + chemicals = scared. Within minutes of arriving, I was unable to open my left lung and my throat has closed up. It took cold water and fresh air, menthol losenges and a whole lot of time before the whistling noises stopped. I have to admit it was pretty funny to see people looking all around to find out who was whistling at them...

Who says there's no knitting going on? They lie! There's tons and tons of it (ok, maybe not tons but a few pounds, at least)
First, there's the purple sweater

There are the bitey mitts, waiting for their tongues and eyes to be added
And - ta da!!!- Zia's new sock pattern!!! Not only are they pretty socks, buying the wool for them took me out of my comfort zone, straight into one of the most positive conversations of my week. On a whim, I took the advice of some wise spinners whom I had met at an artists conference and went to the Mississippi Black Sheep in Carleton Place (they really need a web site). What a stroke of luck! A lovely little shop, filled with all sorts of woolly goodness. A friendly host with a good heart and a love of her work. It doesn't get any better than that. This was probably the best customer service experience that I've had in a loooong while! After a great chat, I was on my way with a hand-wound skein of the most lovely periwinkle blue with flecks of royal purple wool. The weight is perfect and the prices in that store are really really reasonable! I was worried that I was going to drop a few more bucks than I actually did and was so entranced with my giant bundle of blue that I almost forgot where I had parked. Yeah, I could be an astronaut; I'm just that smart... just like a dump truck

I really thought that with the Mercury retrograde over, communications would be smoother but it seems like there are still some glitches out there, trying to resolve themselves. I made a presentation last week where I reminded the group to be mindful of their words, to walk with 'light feet'. It seemed to hit a note and several people spoke to me about it afterwards. In my life, I have 2 ideals - to be the person my dogs think I am (except that Jack doesn't quite know what to make of any humans right now) and to emulate my beloved Grandfather in his way of living. I can remember him telling us, after the horrors that he had lived through, to always be kind. "If you have the choice, choose to be gentle. And you always have a choice", he'd tell us on our walks. Out of all of us grandchildren, I am the one who remembers these walks with fondness. My older brother remembers them as a' have to' (versus a 'want to'). My older cousins remember these walks as a burden, of 'having to keep Zeyde busy'. I was the smallest, the one who was always lost in the crowd of sibs, half-sibs ,step-sibs and cousins and he focused a lot on my heart, helping me to shape positive thoughts. I thought that I had forgotten a lot of what he tried to impart but I now realize just how much I absorbed. A careless word, an unkind gesture can alienate and hurt. Even though I'm far from a Bodhisattva, I am learning (and re-learning) to be kinder in my day-to-day life. If a man who survived 2 World Wars and witnessed how cruel humans can be, can open his heart to the world, then there's hope for all of us. I just need to keep remembering this when the light seems its dimmest.

2 comments:

divarita said...

Thanks for this. Your Zeyde must be a remarkable being. What a mitzvah to have had him in your life. I will take his lesson to heart.

(also I was glad to hear about the Mercury retrograde- it's been that kind of a week and I was not aware. But it seems to continue.)

Anyway, mazeltov! Like That Girl sayz, we need to celebrate!

Bumbershootska said...

I miss him every day, more and more as I get older. If I had only listened more...
I feel his hands on my shoulders when things get tough. I wonder what he would say about me now? I think he would shake his head and light another cigarette

Celebrate? I spell it "w-i-n-e" (aren't you glad I didn't spell it 'w-h-i-n-e"?)